Camp White Rose
by JonathanSerpico
Summary: Professor Ozpin and Cameron Campbell exchange Ruby and Weiss for David and Gwen. Mostly focuses on Ruby and Weiss at Camp Camp. M for language and subtext. Lots and lots of creamy, thick, juicy, dripping, quivering, musky subtext.
1. Chapter 1: Ozpin Loses Thailand

As the opium and e-cig vapor wafted around the mahjong parlor, dim lights cast dubious shadows around the tables. At _Hanyuu's Den for Aspiring Evil Deities,_ there was always a game being played, for there is no lack of hubris or ambition across all planes of existence.

"...and by the power vested in me as the Prime Minister of Thailand, I hereby transfer all rights, privileges, and responsibilities inherent in that title to you, Cameron Campbell of Camp Campbell," recited Professor Ozpin in a disinterested fashion. _I don't think I have checked up on the Thai people in a couple of years. I wonder how they have been doing in my absence_.

"YES! I own even more Asians now!" boomed Cameron Campbell of Camp Campbell. "That's not... I mean... I mean, never mind, yes, you own Asians now," sighed Ozpin. "Although, I am curious as to how you managed to win against three experienced players in mahjong when you seem to be under the impression that you are playing Texas Hold 'em Poker."

"Indeed," Salem's voice seemed to carry across the entire room, even though she sat adjacent to Campbell and Ozpin at their table. "It would seem that you possess talents that could take you far. Perhaps we could even form a business partnership-" Salem was cut off as Cameron Campbell of Camp Campbell interrupted her. "Sorry Sally," he began. "It is Salem" muttered Salem. "Whatever," he continued, "Point is, I don't partner up with somebody unless I can visualize them strapped upside down to a wall while wearing a furry suit. In a dungeon," he added. "Frankly, you don't look healthy enough to even start considering any of those things. You really ought to try more fried food. Get some rose in those white cheeks of yours!" he said as he decked her in the shoulder while chortling.

Ozpin stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Speaking of whites and roses, I am reminded that I have two students who vaguely resemble that description. If I remember right, you also run a sort of school?"

Cameron Campbell of Camp Cambell swelled with self importance. "A summer camp, actually. Cameron Campbell's Camp Campbell is THE PLACE to send your kids for the summer when you just don't want to deal with them. Or when you don't care what happens to them!" He chortled again as Salem continued to glare murderously in his direction. Meta, the fourth player, skulked off, as he had nothing to add to the conversation.

"I see...well why don't we do an exchange? The two students I spoke of earlier, Ruby Rose and Weiss Schnee, for two of your camp counselors." Cameron Campbell of Camp Campbell raised an eyebrow at Professor Ozpin's proposition. "And why would you suggest this?" Cameron Campbell of Camp Campbell asked.

"Because..." Ozpin reclined and took a long, slow sip of coffee. "I suppose I don't give a fuck about my students."

"Excuse me-" Salem was unused to being ignored this long. "EXCELLENT!" Cameron Campbell of Camp Campbell exploded in laughter. "I'll send Davy and Gretchen over to Remnant right away. You can just drop Whitney and Rosanne off whenever you like. See you soon, Professor!" A mysterious rope ladder appeared outside the parlor, taking Cameron Campbell of Camp Campbell on a helicopter ride to Thailand, while two government agents in suits and sunglasses shot at him with out hitting him once.

"So, what will you do without your small, gentle soul Ozpin?" sneered Salem. Ozpin lightly started. "Oh, you were still here? I'll just continue what I've been doing, and worst case scenario, I'll get inside a little boy named Oscar." Salem blanched, which was no mean feat for her.

"I meant in a completely spiritual way." Salem scooted a bit further away. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Just know that whatever you plan, plot, or devise, I am far enough ahead of you to be completely indifferent to your existence. Like I said, I suppose I simply do not give a fuck."

* * *

 **While I enjoyed writing this, I simply made this to backdrop the exchange story that I plan to take out of this. I am not a fan of making multidimensional gateways for multiple characters, so this setting is basically just a McGuffin to start the story.**

 ** _Hanyuu's Den for Aspiring Evil Deities_ was chosen as the name for the setting. I drew it from _Ryukishi07_ 's visual novel/manga/anime franchise _Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni_. It is a fascinating take on alternative realities done right, showing all the horrible shit that goes wrong. If you don't have time to check out the entire anime, be sure to check out the Abridged One-Shot Faulerro did on YouTube. It is about half an hour, but it really captures the horror of the original while bringing in appropriate amounts of humor.**

 **Professor Ozpin is a dick. He never tells anybody anything, and it is his own damn fault he died. Everything bad that happens to him personally, he deserves.**

 **Salem, presented the way she is up through the end of Season 4, feels like a laughable character to me. For all the respect and fear her stooges have for her, it seems like she is at least as powerful as a maiden, maybe even two. After all, she allowed Cinder to go be the Fall maiden, presuming that she would come back full power. Salem doesn't seem like she would tolerate a stronger underling, so she must have been stronger than the Fall Maiden. But Cinder, as the new, inexperienced fall maiden, was able to kill Ozpin. Why the middleman Salem? What are you sitting on in the wastelands that requires you remain where you are?**

 **Cameron Campbell of Camp Campbell is a baller. Nothing else to it.**

 **Meta, or Agent Maine from Red vs Blue, will not be showing up again. RIP Meta plotline.**

 **I intend to focus on Ruby and Weiss' experience as exchange counselors. I might devote a chapter to David and Gwen's experience as substitutes on team RWBY, but don't count on it. I have no ideas for it beyond David taking everybody camping, and Blake and Gwen reading _butt stuff_ together.**

 **I am going to rate this M for future language (this is going to take place at Camp Camp, after all).**


	2. Chapter 2: Subtexting in the Woods

**Hi, guys. Betabomber56 posted a review asking for more, which got notified on my email, which reminded me that I started this fic. I know I am probably the worst at posting regularly, but if you find any of my works funny or interesting, including**

 _ **Camp White Rose**_

 _ **The Cure of Roman Torchwick**_

 _ **Jaune McLovin**_

 **then be sure to do the following things.**

 **1\. Set up an account with FanFiction. You don't have to start writing or anything. All you have to do is go to the words "Sign Up" at the top right hand of the screen right above the [** [Story \/ ] Search_ **] box. You just need an email address. They don't send you shit.**

 **2\. Once you have a cool, edgy, chunnibyou name like SasukeKiritoGodOfDeathBasicKillerInstinctDragonSlayerNatsu666, you can follow and/or favorite your favorite authors and stories. What this means is you get an email sent to you whenever an author you follow posts an update.**

 **3\. Make sure you don't forget your password.**

 **In any case, if you find any of my stuff remotely interesting, follow me or my stories. If you have something you want to see, post a review or a private message. Like I said, getting reminded is actually really motivating. So, here is Camp White Rose. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Doesn't any of this strike you as bizarre, Ruby?" Weiss Schnee skeptically eyed the dubious, ill kept campsite. "How so?" chirped her crimson cape clad co-counselor's cookie crumble covered cheeks.

"Well," continued Weiss, "since we arrived there has been no indication of any actual authority figures for a formal transfer of power. The setup of the camp itself leaves it abysmally vulnerable in the event of a Grimm attack. For some reason, it was necessary for us to arrive by hot-air balloon, and due to that twister we passed through, I'm not even sure this is the correct camp!" As Weiss became more and more agitated, tiny glyphs appeared at her feet, frosting the dusty path.

"Aww, Weiss. Don't be like that! Professor Ozpin said that we wouldn't have to worry about Grimm. And it is an exchange program, remember? I'm sure that the counselors are back at Beacon, where Blake and Yang are welcoming them with open arms! In the meantime, we get to have so much fun play- I mean mentoring a group of younger campers and I finally get to be older than them and camping is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funIrememberwhenmydadandYangbroughtmecampingforthefirsttimeandIkilledmyfirstbeowolfandOOOHthatwasthefirsttimeItestedoutCrescentRoseandMMMfmfmfmfmfmmffhhh-"

Weiss covered Ruby's excited rant with a gloved hand, stifling any further progression of Ruby's first time with her so-called "sweetheart." Weiss' expression softened. Ruby's positive outlook tended to rub off on her. "You're right," sighed Weiss. With a smile, she lowered her hand from Ruby's mouth, taking a moment to shake the crumbs off her glove. "This...is an opportunity. Ozpin would only send us here with a purpose in mind. We can develop leadership skills while becoming more patient with those less mature and refined than us."

"Urhg...you two the exchange counselors?" grunted a suspicious, barely comprehensible voice from behind them.

"Wha-ah...Yes!" exclaimed Weiss as she and Ruby spun around to face the... man? He was clearly male, but for some reason, the way his eye twitched, the way his mustache moved independently like hairy tentacles, the complete indifference he seemed to have for his fundamentally absolute lack of hygiene, the cloying scent of rotting flesh and poison that permeated his vicinity in a semi-viscous cloud of repugnance...

He seemed more like a flake of dandruff from some ancient deity had been granted sentience and a vaguely humanoid form.

 _Think Weiss. Remember your training. Corners of your mouth raised...Not that raised! Now. Breathe in, and-_ "Yes that is exactly who we are!" blurted out Ruby, as Weiss mentally tripped and set fire to her train of thought, derailing her brain for a minute. "And we came from Beacon and we were kind of lost because of a twister but that was actually not our fault you see we just were wondering if-" The male (human?) swung his arm up and jangled a ring with keys on it in front of Ruby's face.

"Keys to cabin. _Sknrrtrt_ **snfffffft**. Muughm." A green trail of mucus slowly oozed down his nose.

"Oh. Heh. Ah. You want me to take these keys ha ha. They seem to still be attached to you though..." Ruby started to trail off as she stood there uncomfortably. Weiss, still trying to get back her train of thought, noted in the back of her mind how inhumanly still the thing in front of them could be while at the same time exuding waves of miasma and...oh. He was trying to give them the keys. She had better take them.

"Oh, thank you sir," Weiss leaned forward and took the key ring, making a loud **_POP_** sound as it came off the...goblin creature's wrist, leaving him with only one hand. Ruby blanched, and Weiss realized what she had done. "I-I mean I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." sputtered Weiss, her face as red as her partner's hood. The (presumably) male thing in front of them paused, staring at his stump, then reached behind him, pulling out an attached conch shell hand.

"Oh, I mean well, at least you have that!" chattered Ruby nervously, fidgeting with the ends of her sleeves. "Now you can...do...stuff with..." her voice faltered as the creature raised the shell to his hidden lips underneath the mop of a mustache and blew a note that resounded throughout the forest.

A dead silence fell. The curious, disturbing absence of sound was broken almost immediately by an abrupt tirade. "NOW YOU MINONS AND BEASTS OF THE FOREST! RISE UP AND SERVE YOUR MASTER! AS RIGHTFUL KING, I COMMAND YOU TO BEAR ME UNTO MY CHAMBERS THAT I MAY HAVE MY REST!"

An ominous rumbling came deep from within the forest. "Go'n on break! Good luck." A litter of squirrels spilled from the trees carrying a litter with a wooden throne upon it. As the...person reclined, he began to bark at the animals once more. "NOW AWAY, YE BEASTS OF BURDEN! BEND YOUR WILL UNTO MY OWN!"

Ruby and Weiss watched as the animals and the...other animal disappeared in the distance. Laughing nervously, Ruby said "Well Weiss, I guess we ought to check out our cabins. Maybe we'll have bunk beds?" The wind jangled the key ring in Weiss' hand.

"Oh...yeah. Maybe there will be instructions in the cabin! Yes. Yes, that has to be it. Come Ruby! Let us see our new quarters, and you already went ahead didn't you." Weiss realized that she was speaking to a gust of rose petals. Sighing and shaking her head, Weiss called "I still have the keys, remember?" With a _fwoosh_ , Ruby appeared in front of Weiss. "Thanks, bestie!" she chirped, snatching the keys and zipping away again.

"Come on, Weiss!" Ruby called as she unlocked the cabin door.

"Ruby, wait up!" protested Weiss.

"Hey Weiss, you were right, they did leave us letters. One from somebody named David, and one from somebody named Gwen!"

"Give me that!" an out of breath Weiss snatched Gwen's letter. "You need to calm down, Ruby. Leading a team of mature huntresses is one thing. Blake, Yang and I follow your lead despite your...quirks," Weiss eyed with skepticism Ruby's attempts to use Crescent Rose as a letter opener for David's note, "and you have done a fine job as team leader, even I'll admit." Weiss paused for effect so that the privilege of a compliment from herself could be fully appreciated. "But," Weiss continued, "we are going to be dealing with young children. Lawless creatures, natural anarchists, savage beasts not yet molded into respectable members of civilized society."

"Guh, what's your point...GOTCHA!" Ruby successfully opened David's envelope. "Aww, he wrote it macaroni art! That's so neat!"

Shifting her weight, Weiss cleared her throat. " _My Point_ , Ruby," Weiss paused until Ruby gave her full attention to Weiss. "My point is that I want this to be a good experience for you." Weiss' voice suddenly softened as she turned away from Ruby and stared at the ground. "I want them to feel about-to respect you the way I do now, and not how I used...to treat..." Weiss' voice trailed off as she flushed with embarrassment.

"Aww!" Ruby leaped onto Weiss' back, locking her legs around Weiss' stomach while hugging Weiss' shoulders, effectively immobilizing her. "My bestie loves me!"

"Ruby! What? No! Let go of me!" As Weiss struggled to open Ruby's legs in order to get her off, she tripped and fell on her side. "Ruby, I can't move, let me go!" Weiss wriggled against Ruby's body.

"Nope!" chirped Ruby happily.

"I'm serious Ruby, I'm going to get mad!" Weiss struggled more against her partner's small frame, her skirt riding up her thighs. "Nop-pah! Fuah! Weiss, your hair got in my face! Fwhoo-hwoof!"

"Stop-aahhh...Sto-Stop blowing in my ear!" shivered Weiss as she went limp in her partner's arms.

Both of them lay together on the floor, panting heavily, each a disheveled mess. After a minute, Ruby spoke first. "I'm sorry for grabbing you from behind, Weiss."

Weiss sighed. "No, I'm sorry." After a moment, she continued, "I acted like I was trying to help you out, when in reality I was falling back into my own controlling habits again." Ruby's warm breath on the back of Weiss' neck relaxed her normally tense shoulders. "The truth is, you've never let me down before Ruby. You've always had a plan."

"And you've always had my back," Ruby gently squeezed Weiss before rolling back over to David's macaroni art letter. "Seriously though, if the counselors sent us notes in macaroni, the campers can't be too bad. Wow! Nikki sounds so fun!" Ruby continued to read while rolling on the floor.

Weiss got up unsteadily, unable to walk straight from lying with her partner. As she opened Gwen's letter, she noted the distinct lack of macaroni.

"Ok, so we have a basic multi-discipline camp, with each camper assigned to their respective study... sounds simple enough. Wait, what's this about a 'Max?'" As Weiss continued through Gwen's letter, she grew from apprehensive to downright terrified.

 _Max thrives on breaking down the psyche of his superiors. He especially delights in destroying the innocence and optimism of anybody who does not share his worldview. In my expert assessment as a Psychology major from Evergreen College, he is a compulsive...well anyways, I have a degree and that makes my assessment official! Just whatever you do, don't let him know you care about anything. He is so cynical that if he sees anybody take enjoyment out of helping or any other unselfish act, he will target that person and BREAK THEM DOWN!_

 _Good luck!_

 _Sincerely, Gwen_

 _P.S. Nurf needs to be periodically disarmed. Even if you take them away, somehow he still finds another, but it is best if he is weaponless as much as possible._

 _"_ Oh no." whispered Weiss

"OH WOW!" Shouted Ruby. "Look at everything they do here! They've got archery, hiking, search and rescue, biking, horseback riding, training that'll save you from a heart attack, scuba diving, miming, keeping up with rhyming, football, limbo, science, stunting, pre-calc, spaceships, treasure hunting, bomb defusal, no refusal, fantasies, circus trapeze, and fights, and ghosts, and paints, and snakes, and knives, and chess, and dance, and weights, and-"

 **"HEY!"** A voice shouted from the doorway. A short, angry boy in a blue hoodie glared at them while flanked by a nervous, pasty boy with ginger hair and comedic noodle-shaped arms and a girl in red suspenders with resting face nearly cheerful enough to balance out the scowl of the boy in the center. "Three questions: who the fuck are you, where the fuck is David, and why the fuck don't we have breakfast yet?! Ouch!" Max winced as Weiss flicked him in the forehead. "Watch your mouth, young man. In answer to your questions, we are Weiss Schnee and Ruby Rose of Beacon Academy. Your counselors David and Gwen are participating in an exchange program with our school, while we will be acting Camp Counselors in their absence. As for breakfast," Weiss paused, "we will prepare it when we arrive at the cafeteria. If I am correct, the three of you are Max, Neil, and Nikki?"

"Yes, but what do you mean by 'cafeteria?'" asked Nikki as she crossed her arms and tilted her head. "I think that she is being generous. Either that, or she hasn't seen it yet," whined Neil in high nasal timbre.

"Wai-wait wait, wait, wait a minute." Max's scowling face in the center seemed to light up. "So you're telling me that until further notice, David will be off at some place far, far from here where we won't see him and he won't be able to interact with us at all-WAUGH Where did you come from!?" Ruby zoomed in front of Max so that she was on one knee with her arms on his shoulders, a manic smile on her face. "That's right, but don't worry Max! David wrote all about how much potential you have to love camping and activities!"

"Oh no." Max's face fell.

"Oh yes. Don't worry Max, you are going to have so much fun, and I promise, I will be just as great of a counselor as David, so you won't miss any fun at all!"

"Oh no, no no no no..." Horror, panic, fear began to shape Max's features.

"Oh yes, yes yes yes yes! It'll be great Max! Ruby and Max! Max and Ruby! Counselor and camper! I have tons of activity plans already!" Ruby's silver eyes shone as she went on.

"Wait, we do?" asked Weiss.

 **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"** Max ran screaming out of the cabin, hood flapping in the wind.

"Wait, don't go!" Ruby called. As Max's screams died down in the distance, a heavy, awkward silence hung over the cabin, until Nikki broke it.

"So, do we get breakfast or no..."

* * *

 **I noticed that somebody followed this story, and somebody reviewed this story, so I decided to continue it. I'll probably go back to The Cure of Roman Torchwick, and finally do some more on that, but with this it will probably continue with Ruby's unorthadox plans for camp activities, while Weiss tries to stay on track and follow what they are "contractually obligated to provide."**

 **In case anybody hasn't noticed, I find it hilarious to write things that absolutely aren't erotic but then write them in a manner that would normally be reserved for erotica. As such, I feel obligated to mention that I don't intend to write any sex scenes, but I do plan on making more scenes with highly suggestive subtext like when Ruby tackled Weiss above.**

 **Here is an omake. I normally don't think this sort of thing is funny, but I couldn't help myself. Enjoy.**

* * *

 **Omake: Max and Ruby, Season 3, Episode 1**

 _"Wai-wait wait, wait, wait a minute." Max's scowling face in the center seemed to light up. "So you're telling me that until further notice, David will be off at some place far, far from here where we won't see him and he won't be able to interact with us at all-WAUGH Where did you come from!?" Ruby zoomed in front of Max so that she was on one knee with her arms on his shoulders, a manic smile on her face._

 _"That's right Max, you heard Weiss, we've got camping to do Max. Just you ️and me and sometimes Nikki and sometimes Neil but NEVER David! ️You wanna know why Max? Because he CALLED ME SHORT! ️ Oh it gets even better Max. Welcome to the bestest crossover of our adventures! First thing that's different⁉️_

 _"No more David, Max. He called me short and was going to take away my cookies and give them to Gwen because he secretly loves her, I know because it said so in Blake's FanFiction, so I made him and Gwen go away I replaced them both as the defacto matriarch of your camp and your universe. Weiss wouldn't have accepted me as a lover if I brought her to lead a camp without campers so now you know the real reason I kept you. I JUST TOOK OVER YOUR SUMMER MAX!_

 _"And if you tell Weiss or Neil or Nikki I said any of this I'll deny it. And they'll take my side because I'm a hero Max. And now you're gonna have to do ️whatever I say Max! Forever!_

 _"And I'll go out and find some more of that Cameron Campbell Cocaine Cookie Cache, Max. Because that's what this is all about Max. That's my one-armed Yang. I'm not driven by avenging my dead mother Summer Rose, Max. That was FAKE! I'm driven by finding that Cocaine Cookie._

 _"I want that Cameron Campbell Cocaine Cookie Cache, Max! That's my series arc Max. If it takes 99 chapters, I WANT MY CAMERON CAMPBELL COCAINE COOKIES MAX! IT'S GONNA ️TAKE US ALL THE WAY TO THE END MAX! 99 MORE CHAPTERS MAX! 99 MORE CHAPTERS UNTIL I GET THAT COCAINE COOKIE CACHE FOR 997 MORE YEARS MAX I WANT THAT COCAINE COOKIE MAX!"_


	3. Chapter 3: Ruby Juicily Deflowers Weiss

Ruby beamed as she finished setting everybody's plate in the mess hall. Decorating the tables were empty canned food cans being used as vases for white lily flowers. Everybody looked dubiously at their plates, with the exception of Max, who was glowering silently at the new counselors while he sipped his coffee menacingly. It wasn't that breakfast was comprised solely of chocolate chip cookies, strawberries, and milk. It wasn't the fact that it was already 11:00 AM and this was the first they were getting fed that day. That was actually the normal part.

It was more the aesthetic rather than the ingredients.

"Uumm, ma'am?" Nurf raised his hand.

"Yes, Nurf?" Ruby leaned over his shoulder, causing Nurf to flinch and look straight down at his plate, blushing.

"Look, I get that whoever you two are new here, but you see, this," he indicated with both hands the cookie shaped like a 6-shot revolver on his plate, "this is the sort of thing that I got in trouble for. The kind of thing my mom sent me here for. Only that time it was with pop tarts."

"Oh, I know," smiled Ruby. Nurf looked extraordinarily confused. "You know?" he asked.

"I was actually wondering that myself." Weiss said as she idly lifted a lily from the makeshift vase on the table, twirling it between her fingers. "What do you have planned here, Ruby?"

Ruby's grin widened as she picked up Nurf's cookie revolver and started loading it with miniature strawberries. "It's simple!" she chirped. "Camp is all about sharing what we love!"

"GBgnmnwhat we loveth?" sputtered Nerris dubiously through her braces as she lifted a cookie staff with a cup of strawberries at the end of it.

"EEEXACTLY!" exclaimed an elatedly ecstatic extracurricular co-counselor. "And since Nurf here was sent to learn about guns..."

"Actually Ruby-" Weiss was cut off.

"We are all going to learn about how cookies, which everybody loves, are also guns that we can use!" If pride and self-satisfaction could be harnessed as a source of sustainable energy, the look on Ruby's face could have run a moderate power grid for the entire country of Thailand for about six weeks.

"So," Dolf said slowly loading his cookie Luger with strawberries, "Vhat you are saying is, ve are allowed, nein, _encouraged_ to take out our fellow campers until the strongest, _die übermensch_ , rises above and purifies this camp in a sanctioned _lagerkrieg_?"

"Sorry Dolf, I can't understand a word you said through your Atlesian accent. Weiss, a bit of help?"

Weiss rolled her eyes. "He said he wants to know if you are encouraging a food fight. No, Dolf, that is-"

Ruby's eyes lit up. "ABSOLUTELY!" she squealed. Weiss' eyes widened. "Oh no, Ruby, this is a-"

"GREAT ACTIVITY PLAN!" Ruby interrupted again. "Together with Nurf, we are going to learn about how _everything_ is also a gun, and how cool and fun it is to make and use guns, and oh, weapons are so...AWESOME! Now who volunteers to go first?" The campers by this point were either scooting away apprehensively, cautiously loading their cookies, or a combination of the two while Weiss stared in horror at her team leader.

"Ruby, I-" Weiss started again, but was interrupted when Ruby pulled out a Cookie Crescent Rose. "Co-counselor Schnee, thank you for volunteering! Okay everybody, first you make sure that you treat every gun as if it were loaded..."

"Eehhh, I'm not sure I feel safe with this thing!" Neil wobbled like a wacky wavy inflatable tube man underneath his comically oversized chocolate chip IMI Negev light machine gun. "Nikki, help! Nikki?" Nikki was cackling deviously as she loaded strawberry arrowheads to the end of Pocky sticks.

"Then you make sure you keep your gun pointed in a safe direction..." continued Ruby as she set the sugar scope on Weiss.

"RUBY! That is _not_ a safe direction! Are you even listening to me?!" Weiss stomped her foot, her right hand holding the lily dropped to around her navel.

"Pretty sure she's not," called Max from the cracked doorway. "I haven't seen anybody so delightedly distracted since Nikki asked David to sing his fucking stupid song." It was true; Ruby was hyperventilating as she stared at her glorious creation. Her left eyelid was twitching, her breath was coming out shallow, and sweat was forming on her face. As a bead slid down to the corner of her mouth, her tongue shot out like a clefted snake, encircling Ruby's lips with the speed of her semblance, the resulting wind chilling the mess hall five degrees. Weiss shivered as Ruby's expression grew more sultry and...predatory?

"Next," gasped Ruby, her usually normal knees knocking noisily under her thin, damp thighs, "you keep your trigger finger off the trigger and outside the trigger guard until," she gulped, her silver eyes gleaming as she brought her quivering digit towards the trigger. "Until you are ready to discharge your payload," Ruby finished hoarsely.

"Max, get back in here!" called Weiss. Max shrugged and flipped her off, taking Space Kid's Mjolnir Powered Assault Armor cookie to the coffee maker back by his bed.

"And then," shivered Ruby, a manic glint taking over her features as she sensuously stroked the sweet weaponized warfare wafer as one would an intimate lover, "then you make sure you are sure of your target and beyond." Unbidden, all the children began to part out of the way, leaving Ruby a clear shot at Weiss.

"...Ruby. If you take that shot, there are going to be consequences. I _will_ punish you," Weiss glared severely.

Ruby hesitated, and looked up from the scope. "But Weiss," she said in a remarkably rational tone, "don't you think these weapons will feel lonely if we don't use them before they are eaten?" Weiss stood flabbergasted at the nonsensical rationalizing her partner presented her with.

"...You just want to shoot a cookie that is also a gun," Weiss asserted dryly.

" _ **YES!**_ " shouted Ruby as she squeezed the trigger. Pulsating and red, a strawberry ejected from Ruby's thick, hard cannon dripping a trail of juices and moist ovaries.

Weiss brought her hand up in an attempt to keep the load from penetrating her clothes, but she wasn't fast enough. The juicy fruit tore through Weiss' flower, even as she held it in her hand. The petals spread as Ruby's thick launch colored them with her own hue, showing that Ruby had been first to take Weiss' flower, and now nobody else could.

The damage was irreparable, and it was still continuing even further up to the point where it collided with Weiss' stomach, knocking her off her feet and momentarily causing her to draw short of breath and curl her toes. As Weiss was pushed onto her back, Ruby's berry rolled down Weiss' skirt and slid in between her legs, staining her upper thighs with the wet, sticky color of her partner.

Moaning, and unsteady on her legs, Weiss wobbled unsteadily to her feet. "Okay," she said, pulling out a cookie sword. "You got me. Now, I'm going to tan your backside so hard, you're going to feel it until it is time to go back to Beacon." Ruby shook in anticipation for what she had unleashed.

The mess hall was silent for a moment. Then, Nikki broke it with an Indian war cry as she jumped on the table with her bow and Pocky. "Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop Whoop!" she crowed, flapping her hand over her mouth. "Injun Jane is gonna scalp you white devils until you run to the hills! Whahahaha! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" she cried gleefully as she shot Preston Goodplay in the pouf of his shoulder.

"Alas! I am hurt! Oh woe is me, in my sweet merrytide of salacious death, for a bitter end to this adulterant jackanapery hast I been. Lo and behold, it pools about me like precious gold, red from the sun and sundries. Wails and prophecy, damnation of scoundrels, revelry and-hey, Nikki, let go of my hair! OUCH! STOP THAT!" Nikki was biting Preston's forehead while attempting to pull of his scalp by the hair.

With Nikki's instigation, the rest of the campers quickly followed suit. Neil accidentally shot Dolf in the side of the face, and knocked himself out with the recoil. The rest of the campers all joined in the raucously rowdy row in a clash of strawberries smashing. All with the exception of Nurf.

"Wow," he grunted next to Ruby as she gradually regained her faculties and realized what she had done. "I see now. I have always had all these inappropriate fantasies about violence and blood and murder, but now that I have a clear picture of what that would look like in real life," he paused as Space Kid fell in front of him, two Pocky arrows penetrating his helmet while Nikki swung from the ceiling fan shouting _I'm queen of the cabin!_

"I see that my violent fantasies don't feel anywhere the same as the gruesome reality that lies here before me. I'm glad that I have this point of reference to keep me from doing something I would regret in the future. Thank you for showing me this, Ruby," Nurf sincerely took Ruby's hand and shook it.

"Hoeeh?" Ruby's glazed eyes suddenly focused. "What? What did I just do? Oohhh, I had cookies and weapons, and-"

"I'm really glad you came up and orchestrated this to help me realize the difference between fantasy and reality," Nurf continued. "It shows how much you care, and I want you to know, I really appreciate your insight into my personal issues."

Ruby hesitated. "Yeah..." she said. "Totally...that is definitely what I meant to do! Yep, totally meant to do this, and was not simply getting carried away abusing my authority as a camp leader to indulge in my...my selfish desires...heh heh..." she trailed off as Weiss loomed over her with her cookie rapier.

"I'm not getting out of this one, am I?" asked Ruby as she turned to run away.

"Nope," said Weiss, cracking along Ruby's backside and knocking her through the wall of the mess hall so that she was stuck half in, half out. The smack resounded throughout the hall, and all the campers went quiet.

Weiss sighed. "Everybody go back to your cabins. Now." Slowly, like drunken ants, everybody marched out, leaving only Weiss and Ruby's wriggling rear end.

"Now then," Weiss hissed vindictively. "How are we going to get you out," she wondered aloud as she flexed her fingers by her friend's frantic bottom.

* * *

 **How will Weiss get Ruby out of this situation? I'm going to save that for next time, so if you want to find out, you might want to follow.** Remzal Von Enili **wanted to see Nora meet Nikki. I had to set it up first, so I plan to continue this omake next chapter. Ren might act a bit out of character here, but here it is. If any of you have an event or a meet-up you want to see in an omake, post it in a review like Remzal did. I can't guarantee I will do it, but I can guarantee that I will read it and respond to it. So go nuts. Or don't. It is not like I care or anything, baka.**

* * *

 **Omake: Ren and Nora, Episode 2: Lawnmower Zwei Part 1**

"Ren wake up. C'mon Ren git'up. We got a-got a thing to do Ren, gonna do something _hic!_ Get up!" Nora grabbed Ren's ankle and started dragging him out of bed

"Ow! Geez, Nora, have you been drinking syrup again? Where are you taking me? It's 1:00 am, go back to bed" Ren groaned as Nora dragged him down the dorm hallway.

"No can _buurrp_ no can do, Renny Penny. It's import- _burp-_ important that we do this or else we might not be together next year but not together-together."

Ren got up and sighed. "Nora, why are we right outside of Professor Port's room, and why are you breaking in?"

Nora cracked Port's door, revealing the sleeping professor on his bed. "You know that Anaranjado DiCaprio movie that had the dreams?"

Ren shook his head. "Well, it doesn't matter," continued Nora. "The important thing to know is that we are going in this guy-in his dreams, to tell him to give me an A so that we don't get separated next year."

"And why don't you just do the work?" asked Ren.

" _Pfft_ , Don't be silly, Ren. Now here, put this in your ear." "Wait wha-" Ren slumped to the ground while Nora curled up next to him.

Opening his eyes, Ren saw himself in a nightclub with flashing lights. "Nora?" he asked disoriented. Spying a ginger head of hair in front of him, he asked "Nora, is that you?" A cheerful face turned and met Ren's eyes, as a girl with green eyes, a silver slingshot bikini lined with glowing green, and thigh-high black boots with green trim leaned in toward his face.

"Sensational to meet you! My name is Penny! Will you be my friend of benefits? I'm cum-bot ready!" Ren backed away, stumbling nervously. "Um, ah, Nora? Nora, where are you?!"

"Hiyah!" Nora clotheslined the dreamy droid before she could approach Ren any further. "I- _brapp_ -saved you Ren. You see, you-you-you almost were defiled Ren. You see, when you lose your chast- _burp-_ when you lose your virginity in the dream world- _hic_ -it means that you no longer have your cherry in the-the-the...it means you wouldn't be a virgin anymore!" Nora finished with satisfied finality. "Quick, we have to go into the dream of this robo-temptress to get me an A in Port's class."

"I don't see how this is going to work Nora-" Ren slumped as Nora jammed the device in his ear.

Again, Ren opened his eyes disoriented. Nora was gazing around, pupils dilated. "Look Ren," she whispered. "We-we-we're gonna be rich, Ren. See all those Ursai? We're gonna skin them and-and-and make a b- _burp_ -oatload of lien selling Ursa skin rugs!"

Ren looked at what appeared to be a little girl with green hair and suspenders in deep conversation with two Beowolves. "Nora," he said, "Those are Beowolves. What is that little girl doing with them..."

Even as Ren said this the little girl straightened up, grinned, and pointed to him and Nora. With a twinkle in her eye, she gave the twin Grimm a cheerful order.

"Kill!"

 _To be continued._


	4. Chapter 4: Weiss Makes Ruby Come Inside

**Did you know that the "seeds" on the outside of the strawberry are actually ovaries? As time passes, the strawberry becomes sweeter, while the exterior becomes saturated with slick juice.**

* * *

 **I know I am probably the worst at posting regularly, but if you find any of this funny or interesting,** **then be sure to do the following things.**

 **1\. Set up an account with FanFiction. You don't have to start writing or anything. All you have to do is go to the words "Sign Up" at the top right hand of the screen right above the [** [Story \/ ] Search__ **] box. You just need an email address. They don't send you shit.**

 **2\. Once you have a cool, edgy, chunnibyou name like SasukeKiritoGodOfDeathBasicKillerInstinctDragonSlayerNatsu666, you can follow and/or favorite your favorite authors and stories. What this means is you get an email sent to you whenever an author you follow posts an update.**

 **3\. Make sure you don't forget your password.**

 **In any case, if you find any of my stuff remotely interesting, follow me or my stories. If you have something you want to see, post a review or a private message. Like I said, getting reminded is actually really motivating. So, here is Camp White Rose. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Ruby, stop wiggling! I can't get you out if you-MMPH!" Weiss' head was buried deep inside of Ruby's combat skirt when Ruby's haphazard hip-thrusts pushed directly into Weiss' face.

"Kyaaah, Weiss, not there!" cried Ruby, curling her hips downward into Weiss' face until the fair heiress was forced to the ground, landing without dignity on her backside. Weiss sputtered, slightly dazed, her face damp with exertion and heat while Ruby's lithe hips hung limp a few inches from her nose.

"That's it," snarled Weiss. "You are going to come with me, even if I have to force you!" Latching onto her younger partner's skirt around the hips with both hands, Weiss started violently tugging at the 15 year old girl's clothes.

"Weiss, wait, you're gonna tear my clothes off! WaaHaaeoGAAaaooo! Ahhh...sensitive there...MMMMMMMMMMHHH!" Ruby's wriggling resumed as Weiss' delicate fingers slid through a gigantic fresh tear in her outfit, stimulating the most receptive and ticklish zones on her sides and belly.

"Well, fine! If you don't want me doing that, I'll just have to get a better grip then!" Weiss stood up, lifting Ruby's legs on either side of her shoulders as she faced the place where her friend's legs forked. Walking forward, she spread Ruby's legs wider until Weiss was able to reach up and around crossing both hands and firmly grasping Ruby's waist with a firm hand on each opposite hip.

"Weiss, *sniff* stop spreading my leeegggGGSSSS EEYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Whimpering and then wailing, Ruby felt a strong, yanking pain moving back and forth around her lower midsection as Weiss cast a gravity glyph on the wall and then stood against it, parallel to the ground, gripping tightly Ruby's waist. As Weiss yanked and thrust Ruby through the hole, Ruby could feel her clothes tearing even further against Weiss' vigorous rubbing, and was acutely aware of the heat radiating from Weiss' body, even as the heiress' breath felt cool and refreshing against her exposed panties.

"I told you Ruby, even if I have to force you through the hole, tear your clothes, and make you otherwise disheveled, I am going to make you COME...WITH...ME!" Weiss gritted her teeth as her chin kept pushing down into her younger partner's skirt. An ominous creaking noise in the wall heralded the 15 year old's freedom.

"WEISS! WEISS! COMING! COMING THROUGH THE HOLE! WEISS! WEISS! WEISS! WEISS! WEISS! WEEEIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!"

As Ruby and Weiss shot from the wall, Weiss landed on her back with Ruby sitting on her face. Ruby slumped forward against Weiss' stomach with torn clothes, and tossed hair, exhausted from the exertion. Weiss rolled Ruby off her, revealing a flushed, damp face panting for breath, tongue slightly hanging out in a very unladylike manner.

Ruby looked down at herself and groaned. "Weiss, it ripped and now I'm bleeding where it ripped!"

Weiss sighed as she caught her breath. "Oh, be quiet. We'll clean you up. Next time, if you are more careful, it won't rip again and you won't bleed again. Now let's get some clothes on you."

SnrrkkktHnff! "Ggggnnnnnhere here take some spare clothes." Ruby and Weiss jumped backwards, Ruby attempting to cover her modesty with her cape and Weiss standing in front of her to hide the rest. The strange goblin man they had met before stood before them with a clothes hanger where his missing hand should have been. Hanging on it was a pair of khaki shorts, a leather belt, a green shirt with a tree on it, and a brown vest. In the creature's real...hand, if you could call such a mottled, diseased appendage a hand, he held a child's yellow camp t-shirt.

"Oh...th-thank you sir." Weiss forced out as she took the clothes from the hooked prosthetic, which promptly fell off and clattered to the floor. The...man whipped out a conventional hook hand from behind his back and waved it in front of Weiss' face in a circular motion.

"Do not thank me child, I do nothing out of kindness. My actions are bound by the laws and rules of this land. That is all I am obligated to provide for ye, and that is all ye shall receive during the day or night, indoors or outdoors, riding or walking, clothed or naked, armed or unarmed. I have fulfilled my obligations under my geas; I go now to slay my kin. DO NOT FOLLOW! Do Not Follow! Do not follow..." his voice trailed off as he walked backward out the exit.

After half a minute of silence, Ruby whispered "Is it gone?"

"I think so," Weiss breathed as loudly as she dared.

"Then... I mean, it is a bit drafty here..." Ruby shifted uncomfortably while covering her revealed skin with her cape.

"Oh! I mean, ahem, her you go." Weiss flushed as she handed her leader the spare clothes.

"Thanks Weiss," Ruby said demurely slipping out of her skirt and bodice. "Could you hold these for me?" Weiss nodded, taking the ruined combat outfit, while trying to figure out why this was so embarrassing. She and Ruby had changed together many times before in the dorm, but there was something about this situation that was unusually...stimulating. While Ruby's cape covered most of her body, the shape and form was clearly apparent, especially when she bent over to pull on the shorts. The shape of her hips outlined against the crimson cloth as it hiked up revealing the naked back of Ruby's normal knees, as well as the lower part of her thighs...

* * *

"...Weiss? Weiss? You feeling okay, bestie? You look like you got a fever there," as a fully dressed Ruby leaned in she reached behind Weiss' face with her right hand and brought their foreheads together. "You don't feel warm..." Ruby observed, "but you shouldn't stand with your mouth open." Ruby lightly brought her other hand to Weiss' chin and gently closed her mouth before bringing her finger up to seal her friend's lips. "But if you stand there with your mouth open like that, you'll catch a cold. I can't do this without you Weiss; I need my partner in tip-top physical health."

"Gyah!" Weiss jumped back, startled out of her reverie. "No, I-I-I," Weiss sputtered as she looked around for a distracting non sequitur. "I just noticed this!" Weiss triumphantly picked a random paper off the ground.

Ruby squinted at it. "Some kind of dust refining process, huh? Looks like it is a special recipe of Cameron Campbell. Great find, Weiss!"

"Exactly." Weiss cheered inwardly that the random discovery was somehow relevant to their current objective. "I was thinking that if we used this process, we would have a perfect lesson for Science Camp!" Weiss congratulated herself inwardly on her ability to bullshit herself out of embarrassingly awkward situations.

"Great!" Ruby's face broke into a grin, and just as quickly her smile cracked. "It's just..." Ruby trailed off as she shuffled her feet while staring at the floor.

"What is it, Ruby?" asked Weiss.

"Well...I mean...my last couple of attempts at this camp haven't gone so well and dust is kind of your specialty and I really have no idea what I should do so I was wondering if you could kind of help and take point on this-" Ruby trailed off as this time Weiss brought her fingers up to seal Ruby's lips.

"Hey. We're partners. Of course I have your back...are you-GYAH! Why were you licking my fingers!" Weiss jerked back, clutching her hands to her breast.

"Sorry! Sorry! It's just you tasted nice, not you, I mean it would be weird if I wanted to eat you but your fingers tasted like strawberries so I thought you must have still had strawberry juice on them from earlier and I..." Ruby trailed off as Weiss fixed her with a stony expression.

"I just wanted to lick the sweet, sticky juice off your fingers," pouted Ruby. Weiss rolled her eyes, but sighed in acceptance.

"It's fine, Ruby. Let's just design a lesson plan and teach these children how to make..." Weiss peered at the paper once more.

"...Angel Dust."

* * *

 **Omake: Ren and Nora, Episode 2: Lawnmower Zwei Part 2: Or something more relevant. I don't know. I realize that I obsess over title names, and try to make them clever parodies, when in reality "Lawnmower Zwei" is fairly irrelevant and annoying and confusing. When I finish this omake, I will give it a different title. Probably.**

Ren and Nora rolled out of the way of the charging beowolves.

"Okay, Nora," Ren sighed in exasperation, " _please_ tell me this has something to do with getting an A in Professor Port's class."

"Getting an A in what? Oh...OH! Oh...riiighhht...yes it does...totally does..." Nora giggled nervously as she trailed off.

"Really." Ren's deadpan countenance showed a wall of skepticism. "Do tell." Ren got into a fighting stance, not particularly expecting an intelligible answer.

"She killed my bears!" wailed the green haired child as Ren dispatched one of the beowolves. "We were going to have porridge together! Wahhh!"

"I was _doing_ it for a noble cause!" growled Nora as she swung at the Second beowolf, knocking it to the sky.

"You said you were doing it for money!" countered Nikki as she latched onto Nora's left ankle and started biting it. Ren rubbed his eyes with his hand, realizing that Nora's plan essentially boiled down to bribing a teacher with money obtained from infiltrating a dream in order to raise her grades. It made no sense morally or even logically, but these situations didn't generally call for sense.

"Get off, you little!" Nora started shaking her ankle, trying to dislodge the child fixed on her Achilles. "NMEVER!" growled the girl gripping with her teeth. "MPORDGE! GMME PORRIDGE!" Nora's frantic swinging continued to yield no results.

 _I see._ Out of all the chaos, a way out of this situation was illuminated to Ren. _Center yourself. Lie Ren. Move as the wind that effortlessly flows around the lightning to carry the thunder._ Slipping behind Nora with grace and precision, he reached around into her pocket, picking out three dream devices.

"R-R-Ren! I mean, if you feel that way I won't say no, but WHAA! NOT SO DEEeeeeep..." Nora went limp as the device was inserted deep into her ear.

"RARararragharagah! Bark Bark Bar-" the child on Nora's ankle fell asleep as Ren spun and fixed her with a device as well.

"And now, we solve this." Ren took the final dream device and placed it in his ear, entering a dream of his own making.

 **To be continued.**


	5. Chapter 5: Walter Weiss

**Don't do PCP guys. It's not good for you.**

* * *

 **I know I am probably the worst at posting regularly, but if you find any of this funny or interesting,** **then be sure to do the following things.**

 **1\. Set up an account with FanFiction. You don't have to start writing or anything. All you have to do is go to the words "Sign Up" at the top right hand of the screen right above the [** [Story \/ ] Search__ **] box. You just need an email address. They don't send you shit.**

 **2\. Once you have a cool, edgy, chunnibyou name like SasukeKiritoGodOfDeathBasicKillerInstinctDragonSlayerNatsu666, you can follow and/or favorite your favorite authors and stories. What this means is you get an email sent to you whenever an author you follow posts an update.**

 **3\. Make sure you don't forget your password.**

 **In any case, if you find any of my stuff remotely interesting, follow me or my stories. If you have something you want to see, post a review or a private message. Like I said, getting reminded is actually really motivating. So, here is Camp White Rose. Enjoy.**

* * *

As the campers dispersed, Max, Neil, and Nikki gathered over by the Science Camp¹. "All right, guys," Max took a deep breath. "As much as it pains me to say this, I think I preferred David to this new can of fresh hell. We have to get rid of her."

¹(Science _and more_ Camp!)

 _Kyaaah, Weiss, not there!_

"Wait a minute," interjected Neil. "You? You hate David! Why would you of all people want to trade back for him?"

 _Weiss, wait, you're gonna tear my clothes off! WaaHaaeoGAAaaooo! Ahhh...sensitive there...MMMMMMMMMMHHH!_

"Because," Max explained, "this crazy bitch is, for all intents and purposes, David! It's like he never fucking left! All the cheerful, sickening, irrational, unreasonable, naive optimism in the face of an uncaring world with no regard toward how normal people deal with how shitty life is! It's like both David and this Ruby are on a holy crusade to force their worldview down our throats!"

 _Weiss, *sniff* stop spreading my leeegggGGSSSS EEYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!_

"Only _now_ , instead of the most dangerous thing we have to deal with being the fucking almanac on tape," Neil and Nikki groaned in stereo at their counselor's poor taste in listening material, "we get _literal fucking firefights._ For fucking breakfast!"

 _WEISS! WEISS! COMING! COMING THROUGH THE HOLE! WEISS! WEISS! WEISS! WEISS! WEISS! WEEEIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!_

A loud crash was heard over at the Mess Hall. "Jesus Christ, what the hell are they doing?" Neil fidgeted nervously, while Nikki listened with a pointed interest and fascination.

"No idea, but it just proves my point," Max said disinterestedly. "If Ring-Around-The-Rosy runs our summer, we not only have to deal with fucking David levels of saccharine bullshit, but also have to fear for our lives. Our first priority needs to be sticking together for survival whilst sabotaging and driving out our new counselors."

 _Weiss, it ripped and now I'm bleeding where it ripped!_

 _Oh, be quiet. We'll clean you up. Next time, if you are more careful, it won't rip again and you won't bleed again. Now let's get some clothes on you._

A look of resolution and determination crossed Neil's countenance. "You know what? You're right. I almost was concussed this morning from the negligence and recklessness of that nutcase. I could have suffered severe damage to my brain: the _only_ fucking thing I have going for me to carry me through life in the long term. I'm in! How about you, Nikki?"

"Hm? Ahm, yeaahhh, sorry. Gonna have to say no on this one guys," Nikki shifted awkwardly.

Max and Neil paused, dumbfounded, before Max shouted "WHAT?"

"Yeah, I'm actually confused as to why you thought I would want Ruby gone in the first place," elaborated Nikki. "I mean, you guys know I am impressionable due to a lack of parental involvement, and that I have a tendency to attach myself to cool older girls and blindly follow them. Plus, I told you guys from the beginning; I'm an agent of chaos. And from where I'm standing, this Ruby chick looks _pretty_ chaotic, if I can just find a way to separate Weiss from her and take her place..." Nikki trailed off with a morally dubious expression on her face.

"God _dammit_ Nikki!" Max exclaimed scornfully. "Is there ever going to be a time when your fucking abandonment issues don't dictate every waking minute of your life? Honestly, it feels like the only person I can count on is-"

"Campe Diem, Neil!" Weiss' naturally crisp and professional voice brought the three campers' attention behind them. In the crook of Weiss' left arm, she held a plethora of test tubes, beakers, burners, pipettes, purifiers, and other lab equipment. Her right arm was raised in the Camp Campbell salute, while Ruby sheepishly hung back behind her.

Ruby wore a spare pair of David's khaki camp shorts, leather camp belt, green camp shirt, and brown camp vest. In lieu of David's yellow camp shirt he wore as a neckerchief, her red cape ornamented her neck. Her androgynous clothes combined with her underdeveloped body made her look even more boyish than usual, and the fact that David's overlarge shirt understated her already modest breasts wasn't helping.

"Ah-ah-uhm...C-Campe Diem, Ms. Weiss!" stuttered out Neil as he gazed with desire at the long, round instruments of fluid transfer that Weiss held pressed against her chest.

"For the next activity," Weiss proceeded as Ruby shifted awkwardly behind her. "Ruby decided to have me take point due to my expertise and qualifications in the area." Weiss might not have meant to look self-satisfied while saying this, but she did. Max wore his typical skeptical expression. Neil appeared oddly...aroused? However, his attentions were not fixed on the counselors, but still on the test equipment. Nikki looked bemused as she evaluated Ruby's new appearance.

After several seconds went by, it became obvious that Weiss expected some sort of response, or a question as to what the activity was.

After several more seconds passed, it became obvious that on inquisition of any sort was forthcoming. Weiss cleared her throat.

"We will be learning about how to refine, process, and use energy propellant in a myriad of practices." Weiss declared with gravitas.

Neil raised an eyebrow at this. "What, rocket fuel? Or are we talking something more interesting?"

Weiss' expression waxed smug. Very smug. "Oh, believe me, it is _very_ interesting. We will be studying and using dust." Smug was radiating from Weiss like alpha particles from an atomic nucleus.

"Dust." Neil's expression was now as skeptical as Max's had been (Max had gotten bored and started to look around restlessly).

"Indeed! As heiress to the Schnee Dust Company, I am well versed in the properties of dust. That said, today, we are going to be studying the special refining process of Camp Campbell in producing 'Angel Dust!'"

And suddenly, Max was paying very, very close attention. Neil's face wore a mask of abject terror, while Nikki looked mildly interested.

"Ooh ooh! That's one of the things my dad says he wishes he could do when my mom wasn't around! Which was often...all the time...although come to think about it, I think mom kept a baggie labeled Angel Dust taped to the back of her dresser..." The green haired child with abandonment issues jumped up and down in excitement before adopting a more pensive line of affectation.

"We're glad you're excited," Ruby said while rubbing Nikki's hair, causing the miniature maniac to merrily beam. "Weiss thought-I mean _we_ wanted to keep this group activity...smaller this time to keep it from getting out of hand, but if you want to get involved, you're welcome to."

Nikki sidled up against Ruby's normal knees. "I definitely want to get involved...whatever that means."

"Okay! Ruby and I made a preliminary batch before we came out, so together, we can run experiments on this to see what effects this type of dust has." Weiss produced a bag of powder.

"Ptt-WE CAN'T DO THAT!" Neil shouted out.

Weiss raised an eyebrow. "Why not?" she asked.

"We're just kids! That stuff is too fucking dangerous for people our age!" Neil's noodle arms started flailing around wildly. "When I said 'rocket fuel,' I meant literal rocket fuel, not PCP!"

Ruby and Weiss felt confused. "So, you're telling me," Ruby said, "that none of you guys ever use any kind of dust?"

"No! God, are you fucking crazy?" Max rolled his eyes.

Ruby frowned. "They how do you guys have any fun without dust! I mean, I started using it when I was, I don't know, four? Everybody in my family uses it. Even my mother used it to chase dragons when she was pregnant with me! That is how awesome she was!"

Then, Max came to a realization. "Oh shit, they are crazy. They have shown no signs of being anything but crazy. Or being part...of a giant corporation...that sells PCP. To pregnant women and families." Fear began to fill Max. Then, a strange odor. One that reeked of a combination of crystal meth, rat poison, rust, inbreeding, banjos, and contractual damnation.

The odor silenced the conversation, and then stalked around the five assembled, trailing menacingly as the source of the scent approached from the distance. It was odd how a scent can move independently from the source, but the hook handed goblin managed to pull such physical impossibilities off.

"Oh thank God, it's the quartermaster, we're...saved." Max trailed off unenthusiastically.

"That's the quartermaster?" Weiss asked. Neil nodded.

"That's not an inhuman monster?" Ruby asked. Nikki shrugged.

Snnngtk "Nnmngwhatcha got there." The singular eye of the questionably human creature fixed on the bag of Angel Dust.

"Oh...we were just having a lesson about science-" Weiss' explanation was cut off.

"Gimme that." The quartermaster snatched the bag of PCP and poured it all into a drink which he then proceeded to chug and summarily discard.

"ngnnnndon't be making no crackheads stealing my shit fucking tweakers." The quartermaster trailed off as he disappeared into the forest.

There was silence.

Weiss started shaking. An enrage flush started to color her face. Gritting her teeth, she started muttering. "...every time, _every time_ , every single time a Schnee deigns to advance the world through technological innovation, _somebody_ has to impede our progress though theft, intimidation, and otherwise-"

Ruby shook Weiss by the shoulders. "Hey! Hey! Say my name," ordered the team leader while Neil and Max stole away, leaving behind hand-knitted decoys in their place.

Then there was more silence as Ruby held Weiss close.

"You're Rubin Blume*."

"You're Goddamn Weiss. Now, let's do some science." Ruby looked straight into her partner's eyes while Nikki watched the exchange with curiosity.

Then something clicked in Nikki's awakening mind. "Oohhhhhh. This was about drugs!"

*German for Ruby Flower

* * *

 **Omake: Ren and Nora, fin**

Nikki slowly got up, clutching the side of her head, looking around at an unfamiliar place. It looked like a kitchen, or a kitchen in a classroom? Then, a wafting smell brushed past her nose, lifting her to her tip-toes, then down on all fours as she crawled around the counters, seeking out the source of the scent.

Over by the stove, the black haired...boy, yeah definitely a boy, was slicing an apple into a pan while wear wearing a pink apron emblazoned with "Please do nothing to the cook." Once he was done slicing, he threw away the core and put in some water while heating the pan.

"Hello." The boy's ponytail swung against his back as he turned to Nikki. "I don't think I caught your name earlier."

"I'm Nikki." The diminutive dryad peered suspiciously around her. "Where is-"

"Tied up in the cupboard." Pressing the apples with a wooden spoon, the boy took them off to the side to cool. "My name is Lie Ren."

"The cupboard?" Nikki raised her eyebrow, then jumped as the door next to her rattled, along with muffled cries. "I didn't take you for the type..."

"Hm? Oh! Oh no. Nora did that herself. This level of consciousness is just a manifestation of our desires for pacification."

Nikki raised an eyebrow, cocking her head to the side. "What?"

Ren sighed, pouring maple syrup and cinnamon on the simmering apple porridge in front of him. "Would you rather relax with a bear or relax with the porridge?"

By now, the kitchen was a myriad of scents, bubbling sounds, and colors. The steam rose, reflecting beams of light, shining with iridescent surreal hues, almost as a visual representation of the flavor permeating the kitchen.

"I guess-I guess I want porridge..." Nikki admitted as the soporific atmosphere enveloped her.

"And I want to cook, while Nora..." More rattling noises ensued from the cupboard. "Apparently Nora can only relax by repressing her desires so that nobody can know them. I wonder what she is so insecure about that she feels the need to hide it from me?"

"Gosh, how strange," pondered Nikki. Her thoughts were interrupted with a bowl and a spoon, and flavorful fragrance from figs, apples, cinnamon, syrup, and other lovely-

*gulp*

Nikki's eyes began to tear up up on her first bite. "It tastes like... like I still have loving parents!" she sniffed.

"I knowwwww!" wailed Nora as Ren spoon-fed her in the cupboard.

"I'm sorry I sicced wild animals on you! I just wanted this feeling of fulfillment and was trying to replace that with creatures that are slaves to their basic instincts!"

"I'm sorry too! I just didn't want to be in a different class than Ren next year!" Ren just nodded as the two girls wailed in stereo, allowing culinary catharsis to carry it's course.

"Now, are you too ready to wake up?" Nikki and Nora sniffed and nodded. Stars covered their eyes, and everything faded into reality.

* * *

As Ren and Nora snuck back to their dorm, Nora exclaimed "Wait! How am I supposed to get a good grade with Professor Port now!"

Ren sighed. "Nora, just right _'Blah blah blah blah blah blah_ , _'_ on your next essay, and then you'll get an A." Nora eyed him skeptically. "Really Nora. Just try it. It will work."

* * *

Nikki got up, yawning in her tent. "What a strange dream." Suddenly, Max burst in shouting "NIKKI! We gotta go! Neil fixed up a biplane that Cameron Campbell hid and we're gonna steal it! Can you fly it?"

Nikki jumped up. "Can I?!"

Max cocked his head to the side. "I don't know, can you? That's why I asked-wOAH! Hey, wait for me!"

* * *

 **The Rick and Morty kinda got away from me for the omake. I'm not sure I was completely happy with how this chapter turned out, but I think stories like this one need balance. Ruby fucking up repeatedly makes a good start, but for there to be any sort of character arc, she needs to give the reins to Weiss for a bit. Things will gradually spiral out of control for Weiss (naturally), but Ruby will have to be there to catch her when she falls.**

 **I think the thing I was most frustrated with about this chapter was the lack of subtext. I just couldn't stuff any more in. I even had to use the sloppy seconds of my previous chapter while sobbing at my own inadequacy.  
**

 **LOL**


	6. Chapter 6: Tongue Lashing

**Good news! My hours were cut at my job! Now, instead of working 64 hours a week, I only work 58 hours a week! I have so much free time now!**

 **I felt a bit thirsty, so I decided to continue Weiss' war against the Quartermaster.**

 **I do not own Strike Witches. I have not seen the anime, nor have I read the manga. From what I can tell of the doujins I have read, it is about lolis who use magic to turn into futanari demi-furry quasi-lesbians and subsequently get kidnapped and raped into submission by yuri ship-girls.**

 **Or was that Kantai-collection? I don't know. Parody yuri-trash all looks the same to me. Is it racist to say that?**

 **God, I suck as a human**

 **I know I am probably the worst at posting regularly, but if you find any of this funny or interesting,** **then be sure to do the following things.**

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* * *

"W-Weiss?" Ruby asked tentatively.

"What is it Ruby?" Weiss was sliding a pale blue one-piece school swimsuit up her bare legs one at a time in the counselors' cabin. Using her glyphs keep her balance, she straightened her right leg while keeping her left leg bent, toes pointed toward the her head flexibly positioned level with her knees as she bent over one-legged, pulling the right leg of the suit to her milky mid-thigh. With her ponytail draped down, curling on the floor, her head lowered, her left foot and bare backside raised, she resembled an ivory swan, drinking from a magical circle in a mystic pool.

"I-I-um, well, I was just wondering if well...you were feeling okay after drinking that...that..." Ruby's breath caught as Weiss straightened up, peeling her swimsuit up to her chest, all the while keeping her back and legs straight. Threads of gossamer hair flew about like a snowy halo, lightly brushing Ruby's lips before finally settling on Weiss' bare shoulders.

* * *

 _"Weiss? I know I was trying to motivate you earlier, but I feel like this is a really bad idea..."_

 _"Of course not. The first step in the Schnee method for hostile takeover is to requisition the enemy's resources and make them your own. According to our intelligence that you gathered from the campers, the Quartermaster creature gains strength from this solution." Weiss held up a steaming, sparking, shivering, smoking flask with a crude image of a skull on the front._

 _Ruby fidgeted nervously. "That...doesn't seem like a universally apply-applicap-applicapliable method, I mean, come on, Weiss, you have to realize that some things just don't work for every situation! We can find a less dangerous solution to defeat the bad guy, one that doesn't involve putting the life of the people I love in danger!"_

 _Weiss hesitated. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe the intelligence was compromised in some way._

 _Then she remembered how the quartermaster had sabotaged her chemistry lesson. Ruby had been relying on Weiss after the whole debacle earlier. And because of that disgusting, dirty... man?... Weiss Schnee had failed in her vows to support Ruby in sickness and in health._

 _It was Weiss' duty to obtain the power to make up for any failures on her part. With solemn determination, she choked down the sticky, foul, bitter liquid for the sake of her bosom friend. Visions flashed before Weiss' eyes, and tears streamed down her face as her knees buckled to the ground beneath her while she coughed. Steam formed from her breath, partially obscuring her flushed, slightly blissful expression. As her head tilted in the direction of her ponytail, a line of drool started to form from the left corner of her relaxed mouth._

 _"-Weiss. Weiss. HEY WEISS!"_

 _"...Ruby. Let's get the campers wet."_

* * *

"Ruby...we are going swimming, to take the campers to fight underwater Grimm." Weiss wobbled back and forth, still under the influence of whatever substance had been in the Quartermaster's flask.

Ruby pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. She knew Weiss was just trying to help, and in all honesty, she really appreciated it. Sometimes though, Weiss could go at so hard that it started to chafe. At Ruby's patience. By now, the heiress needed to be put back in her place, regardless of how good her intentions were.

"Two things Weiss. First, I don't have a swimsuit. I just have this T-shirt and these shorts, which aren't even mine. Second, how will any of this help the campers? None of them seem in any condition to fight Grimm, except maybe that Nikki gir-EeyEEEAAGH!." _Thunk._ Somehow, Weiss had tripped into Ruby such that Weiss' head and hands slipped up Ruby's shirt. As Ruby landed on her back, her shirt held Weiss' face securely to her chest, while Weiss' thumbs trailed around her sensitive areas.

"Weiss! Get out of there! Your teeth are digging into me!" Ruby pushed Weiss out of her shirt. Gasping, Weiss fell into a sitting/kneeling position where she sat on Ruby's right knee, Ruby's left thigh was sandwiched between Weiss' shins, and Weiss' right knee was lodged firmly into Ruby's groin.

"I see," Weiss said thoughtfully. "I suppose it wouldn't be wholesome for you to swim without a shirt, seeing as you lack a brassiere or any top undergarments. You may swim in your shirt, but it would be highly indecent of you to swim in those short's like a boy would. As a lady and as my partner, it will be fine if you take those off to swim in your bottom undergarments. Let's get these boots off of you first."

As Weiss extended her left leg underneath Ruby, her toe caught on the back of Ruby's shirt, bringing it up past her belly button, the one that her dad promised not to let any boys see, exposing it via her partner's intimate contact. As her shirt continued to bunch up, nearly revealing her breasts, her shorts started bunching up too as Weiss' knee rubbed up between her buttocks.

"WeiISSS!" Weiss grabbed Ruby's right leg and lifted it over her shoulder. As Weiss extended her right foot across the front of Ruby's body, it slid in between Ruby's breasts and up her shirt, through the neck hole like it was meant to fit there all along. As Weiss' toes caught in Ruby's mouth, she was surprised to find the taste not unpalatable, but rather like five teaspoons of pure driven snow, each with a mint leaf on them.

As Weiss slid her bottom down against the inside of Ruby's left thigh, the thin veneer of her swimsuit started to bunch up and wedge itself into her, as sweat and other juices squeezed out of her body.

"This just won't come...off!" Weiss grunted while attempting to pull off Ruby's right boot. In an attempt to gain more leverage, Weiss slid deeper into the fork of Ruby's legs, while bringing one arm down Ruby's leg in order to push the boot and Ruby apart. As her hand trailed across Ruby's milky skin, it slid up the leg of her shorts; by this time, Weiss' constant scooting down Ruby's thighs had resulted in Ruby's shirt inside out and covering her face, leaving her torso completely exposed.

"Just a little further..." Weiss pressed onward, further up the leg of Ruby's shorts until she found a solid handhold. "Got you! Now to just push off this foothold from here... wait where did you go?" All that remained of Ruby was a handful of damp rose petals in Weiss' clenched hand and a shirt haphazardly discarded on the floor. "Ruby-WAAH!"

Ruby tackled Weiss to the ground, silver eyes gleaming. "Weiss, that thing that you drank is making you act strange." Tears glistened in Ruby's eyes as she pressed her topless body against her partner's swimsuit while pinning her arms to the floor. "But now, I'm going to use my semblance to help you metabolize whatever you drank."

"What? Rub-" A dumbfounded Weiss found her lips pressed against Ruby's, as the shorter girl forced her tongue past the heiress' lips. With superhuman speed, Ruby's tongue tip traced Weiss' teeth before pressing against the inside of her cheek's in rhythmic cycles. As Weiss' own tongue was drawn into Ruby's own mouth, her aura broke, sending fireworks shooting within her eyes. Sweat and tears running down her face, Weiss' entire body arched backwards in an unnatural feeling that brought a supernatural calm over her as all the muscles in her body suddenly relaxed.

Blinking, she found herself looking up at her smiling partner, acutely aware of the fact that Ruby was half naked and...pressed up against her. Weiss also became aware of how much her swimwear was digging into her body. "R-Ruby?" stuttered Weiss. "What, I mean how, ahem," clearing her throat, Weiss put on a serious face, despite the rose in her cheeks. "Ruby, what was that? Why did you kiss me like that, the way you...I mean to say, so intensely...AHEM! Yes, why did you just kiss me Ruby?"

Ruby cocked her head to the side, a bit confused and a bit amused. "Silly Weiss," she said, booping the tip of her partner's nose. "I just accelerated your metabolism by stimulating the part under your tongue that goes straight to your heart." Ruby playfully tweaked the area between her partner's bosom. "Kissing is what makes babies between boys and girls. _Everybody_ knows that. But we're both girls, so that makes it okay!"

 _Is it really okay for her to think that?_ Weiss' face betrayed her thoughts as Ruby continued. "Besides, Yang and I used to do this all the time back in Patch!"

Weiss started and shouted "Yang did WHAT!"

Seemingly oblivious to Weiss' outburst, Ruby elaborated. "Sometimes when she came home late and didn't want dad to know she had been drinking, she would have me accelerate her metabolism while she cleaned up in the shower. But she said it was fine since she wasn't a boy (because that's how you make babies) and because we both loved each other. So, it was perfectly wholesome for the two of us to be in the shower together while I cleaned the inside of her mouth."

 _Deep breaths Weiss. Deep breaths. What would Winter do in this sort of situation?_ Weiss opened her mouth to speak, hoping that her intentions would get through to her half-naked partner (who was still straddling her! Why!). "Ruby," Weiss carefully chose her words, "It is true that you shouldn't be doing that with boys, and yes, if you love somebody enough there may be circumstances in which it is not inappropriate for you to touch another person's lips with your...own...lips...ahem, your own lips and even on occasion make use of your tongue.

"That said, Yang is a big girl and needs to learn from her own mistakes. She will not be able to grow as a productive member of society if she continues to depend upon her younger sister. Furthermore, the person who Yang _should_ rely on to back her up when she gets in trouble should not be you; it should be Blake, as she is her partner."

A thoughtful expression crossed Ruby's face. "So, since _you_ are my partner, we are both girls, and we both love each other a lot, it is okay for our lips to touch like this?"

Weiss tried to scoot backward, but with her aura broken, she was left too weak to resist. "Wait, wha-MMmmmh..." In contrast to the violent penetration Weiss felt last time, Ruby's lips gently pressed against her own. As Ruby suckled Weiss' upper and lower lips separately, she felt her mouth open willingly, inviting the smaller inside. This time however, instead of forcing her tongue in, Ruby teasingly flicked it slowly back and forth along the entrance to Weiss' mouth. Weiss squirmed in frustration as she felt her own tongue rising to meet that elusive cherry prize, until before she knew it, she was reaching as far as she could past Ruby's own lips. _When did I wrap my arms around her...hips? Yes, those are just her hips. And this is just something friends do...right. This is just skinship. It is perfectly normal and wholesome among girls who are friends. There is nothing sexual or indecent in what we are doing._ Weiss' hands squeezed and spread Ruby's "hips."

 _Right, nothing indecent at all...uh-oh._ Ruby was smiling wickedly with her eyes. Clamping down on Weiss' outstretched tongue with her lips, Ruby slowly started tracing the tip of Weiss' tongue in a circular motion. Due to having her aura broken from Ruby metabolizing the Quartermaster's drink from her system earlier, Weiss was helpless to resist as Ruby held Weiss' tongue captive, refusing to release it. The way the diminutive girl moved her tongue agonizingly slow, prompting a whimper from the helpless heiress.

Breaking the...not kiss...Ruby sat up and fidgeted nervously. "I mean, that was fine, wasn't it Weiss? It-it wasn't weird for us to do that or inappropriate or bad or inappropriate or bad, or you know, not good, because that's like the opposite of bad, are you okay Weiss? I think you're okay, now that you've caught your breath you are looking at me funny and I'm nervous that I did something I can't take back that I shouldn't have and I think I'm just going to stop talking now." Ruby stilled herself as Weiss deliberately held her gaze.

"Ruby," Weiss said, "you're _fine._ You have nothing to feel bad about." Ruby's eyes lit up. "Just-just don't do this with anybody else, okay?"

Ruby shuddered with relief. "Oh, don't worry Weiss. Since you're my partner I'll only do this with you from now on. So now," Ruby pulled Weiss to her feet and supported Weiss' unsteady balance with her topless body, "just like my sophisticated noble partner suggested earlier: we are going to take the campers to the lake to get them wet."

* * *

Outside the door, Nikki had a strange expression of satisfaction mixed with despair, while Max and Neil looked very nearly shell shocked.

"The hell, man?" Neil whispered. "The fucking hell?" Max echoed. "Why won't Ruby to give me a tongue lashing too?" moaned Nikki.

Both Max and Neil face-palmed simultaneously.

* * *

 **I finally publish again, fellow yurifags. In this chapter, I wanted to see how far exactly I could take it without it technically being...you know. I try and play up Ruby's naivete and Weiss' ability to rationalize in order to see how far things go. I'm sorry if there are any spelling errors, but I take comfort in the fact that there is no way I have as many errors as Coeur Al'Aran has had recently. Coeur, in the rare event you get a chance to read this, step it up a bit with the proofreading. I know you come from the foreign country of Britannia, but if you are going to come to FanFiction, you should learn to speak American.**

 **LOL. I'm just joking. You're still my favorite least edgy edgelord Coeur.**

 **See you all later! Like, when Rick and Morty season 7 episode 6 and 9/32 comes out! Oohhee! I guess the best way to find an update from me is to follow Camp White Rose and JonathanSerpico. Look below the story and you should see what I'm talking about.**

 **I may or may not be planning sometime in the future a pure lemon 3-way between Hazel, Lie Ren, and Nora entitled:**

 **"I just need him to GO DOWN ON US!"**

 **Or, I might never get around to that. Maybe if they cut my hours down to 50 a week, then I'll do it. Either way, I think Ren and Nora tag-team dominating Hazel is a hilarious pairing, with Hazel being utterly confused, Ren rolling his eyes and using his semblance to increase his stamina, and Nora enthusiastically coordinating various positions involving the three of them together.**


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